Meeting Our Needs (Or Not)

[Rick Pursell]

Many of you I am sure, have heard of Anthony Robbins, considered the foremost authority on psychology and peak performance, along with his inspirational and motivational work. I have to confess I am a great fan of his and have absorbed his teaching with great enthusiasm.

In his “Inner Strength Series – Lessons in Mastery”, together with world renowned teacher, Cloe Madanes, he discusses the six basic human needs which are:
Certainty }
Variety }
Significance } Personality needs
Connection / Love }

Growth }
Contribution } Spiritual needs

When our needs are being met we may experience fulfillment, confidence, joy, optimism, comfort, hope and gratitude, to name a few. But when our needs are not being met, we may experience the opposite such as; anger, confusion, disappointment, frustration, sadness, helplessness, impatience and overwhelm. Both these lists are not complete, but should give you an idea of the responses that may arise when our needs are either met or not.

Let’s delve a little deeper into these basic human needs to gain further insight into ourselves and others.

When we have certainty about ourselves, our capabilities, strengths and weaknesses, our role and responsibilities, our duties in the various roles we assume in life, such as a son or daughter, father or mother, teacher or student, employee or manager, etc., it leaves us with a sense of wellbeing. When uncertainty is present, we may become overwhelmed, confused, puzzled, annoyed or even angry.

Just the right balance of variety can offer us a challenge that we can rise to or overwhelm us if there is too much of it and conversely, too little variety in our lives can cause boredom and apathy.

We all need to feel significant. That is to say that what we do in our lives we feel has some value and meaning. When we are undervalued and our efforts are not recognised by both ourselves and others, we can be left with a feeling of loneliness, discouraged, irritated, sadness and disappointment. On the other hand, when we acknowledge to ourselves and have others acknowledge what we do as being of value and significant, then we bathe in a feeling of confidence, comfort, eagerness, trust, optimism and full of energy.

When we feel connected and love for ourselves, others and all things around us, including nature, the planet and beyond, we may experience a great sense of joy, amazement, inspiration, eagerness, stimulation and hope, but a feeling of disconnection and being unloved, will produce the exact opposite. We may be left feeling distressed, sad, nervous, concerned, helpless, lonely and uncomfortable.

It is said that where there is change, there is growth, so naturally when we embrace changes in our life or create them for ourselves, then we are likely to feel, glad, touched, eager, moved, stimulated and thankful. With no or not enough growth, we could be burdened with frustration, hopelessness, nervousness, annoyed, discouraged and even embarrassment.

When we are permitted or actually contribute in a meaningful way, then we can feel glad, fulfilled, proud, stimulated and thankful. But when we cannot contribute or decline to, then it is possible we are left with a feeling of frustration, anger, irritated, annoyed, discouragement and reluctance.

So you see that when our needs are being met, we experience much higher emotions and feelings and when they are not being met, we feel and experience the lower emotions. Does this give you some insights into your feelings and responses to people, situations or circumstances?

By now It should be quite apparent that we should all become aware of our needs and be able to define them for ourselves and observe when they are being met or not. Only then can we demonstrate mastery over our lives by bringing into balance our basic needs, Collectively, we should all be aware of ours and others needs and wherever practical, fulfill those needs to produce a living and working environment based on harmony and achievement.

My wish for you, is that all your needs are met.

Rick

[Rick Pursell]

Whoops excuse the typo - the line should read......off it scarpers with its tail betweeen its legs!! But you already figured this out, I know!!

[Rick Pursell]

Thanks Clive,

Yes, running away from our painful emotions and thoughts is akin to being chased by a rabid dog. The more we run, the more determined it becomes to catch us. But when we turn and face the assailant with a healthy and courageous shout of ahhhhhh......., of it scarpers off with its tail between its legs!!

Dogs, thoughts, emotions, all disolve with the courage of love.

[Clive Wilson]

Thanks Rick. I like what you say and would add that there is also a wealth of scope for growth in some of lower emotions if we are prepared to ask where they came from, what real or imagined truths have contributed to them and what we can do to rewire a wiser attitude to them. Of course we can only do that from a state of presence. I also think for most of us, presence in the moment of our worst experiences is really hard but the next best thing is presence on reflection a short while afterwards which can be extremely valuable.

You make a wonderful contribution Rick.

[Christophe Horvath]

Thanks Rick,
I often bring this up in my workshops and coaching as this such an important understanding to have.
I further see this as corollary to Maslow's hierarchy of needs, from survival to self-actualisation.
I also make the distinction between needs and wants, as the latter are often cleverly disguised as needs by the insatiable ego (scarcity thinking), whereas these are just delusional expressions of expectation & resistance, rather than higher aspiration & engagement with what is.
Warmest
Christophe